Surrender… by Nicole Martin

Surrender… by Nicole Martin

All your life, you’ve followed a specific path.

You’ve gotten the right education. Rounded out your resume with the right amount of extracurriculars, volunteer work, and internships. Maybe this wasn’t what your heart would have chosen for you, but still, you stuck to that path and calculated every move to ensure you were set with the right job, the right marriage, the right life.

Perhaps you were also conscious of how you spoke, how you acted, who you socialized with. You often thought one thing but said another, making sure not to create waves. Despite internal hunches, you stayed the course, because you were expected to follow it or because it looked like what everyone else was doing.

Maybe there was someone in your life who guided you down this path… a parent, teacher, sports coach, mentor. And you admire them so much that you’d take any advice that they gave you.

And this logical and controlled way of living all worked out great… until one day, it didn’t. And when it didn’t, you reassessed and recalculated and took action to get back on the path. But you still felt like you were spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere.

Who else can relate??

The time in my life where this hit the hardest was trying to start a family. It seemed so trivial to me, as I put education and then a career first. The babies would naturally follow! After all, we take all precautions to make sure babies DON’T happen until we’re ready. And then I came to that spot in my path where I was ready – 2 degrees, check. Married & in a house, check. Good career, check. All was good to go, but despite all my planning, I didn’t get pregnant. So I started monitoring my cycles, talking to my doctor, trying and trying some more… still nothing.

It eventually all came down to going for IVF.

It all came down to a process that I had very little control in, outside of taking medications & giving myself injections. The only thing I could do was surrender and let go.

I didn’t realize at the time that what I was doing was surrendering. I just knew I was out of ideas and I was exhausted. I didn’t want to literally put my pregnancy in someone else’s hands, but what else could I do? I was scared, but at the same time, something in me knew I had to trust where I was I life, on that path, at that moment.

This is my own story and path I thought I HAD to be on. My experience with infertility certainly changes how I viewed my life. Your path doesn’t have to the look same, but maybe you can relate to needing to be in control at all times. What is your checklist? What are your “must haves” & “shoulds”? And where are you spinning your wheels, where instead can you let go and trust?

Nicole Martin is a member of the Facebook Mommies Time-Out Community as well as a co-author of the book, “Her Art of Surrender”.

My Time-Out is listed on Feedspot.com’s 2018 Top 30 Emotional Intelligence Blogs on the Planet!!!

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